holding hands
A man is wondering whether or not to hold hands with a woman who is nearly his girlfriend. The woman wants his hand and walks close to him, hanging her arm slightly further from her body than she would usually. The man feels the woman’s knuckles touch against his, several times; he thinks to himself that this may be a sign that she wants to hold hands with him. He considers that they have been involved for two months, have slept together on six occasions and that it seems about the right time for them to start holding hands. But the man also realises, in that moment, that he has never closely observed the woman’s natural arm position when walking – how far from her hip would she hold her arm if she were alone? How did she hold the arm before they had met? How far is the position of her arm, which does seem somewhat outward, simply a result of the bag she carries in her other hand, a means of balance? An offset? The woman wonders why the man will not take her hand, she wonders if he has issues with commitment. The man fixes his gaze ahead, resisting the temptation to glance down to his left at the woman’s arm - that would make it too obvious that he, they, are considering the issue. Another couple approach, holding hands. The pavement on which the two couples are walking is not wide, to pass one another comfortably the woman must move even closer to the side of the man. Now, it is not only the backs of their hands which touch heavily, the entire lengths of their arms are pushed together like sliding doors. The man feels a sweat form on his brow, he feels now that he must take the woman’s hand and yet, if he takes it now, will she think that he only took it because they were forced together? The woman feels irritated by the fact that even when they were forced together, the man still did not take her hand; she decides to drop her arm back into its natural position. Immediately as the woman makes this adjustment the man realises that, yes, she had previously been offering her hand and that now, the opportunity to take it has been lost. The man and woman walk on at a pronounced distance from one another, there is a coldness between them which remains for the duration of their time together that day. Later, the man sees the woman off from the train station; before she goes through the ticket barrier he holds her shoulders and they kiss once. The woman passes through the barrier and toward her train; before she boards, she looks back at the man and gives a small wave. The man waves back, then walks out of the station, head down, hands at his sides with fingers splayed open like a screaming mouth.
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