conversation between two men on a coastal walk
Is that a person in the water? I can’t see without my glasses. Is that a person? There, by the rock that’s sticking out, just beyond the one that looks like a turret, it looks like a person down there.
I don’t think so. I think it’s just a piece of something, caught up around the bottom of the rock. It’s not big enough to be a person I don’t think. Hang on, let me go closer.
What can you see?
It’s not a person, it’s a buoy. It’s just got some material stuck on it – looks like clothing.
Ah OK, that’s alright then. I don’t know what I would’ve done if it had been a person.
Not much you could’ve done really. It’s not like either of us could get down there to help.
Well we might’ve been able to get down there from that bit over there. You see where it’s less steep? I reckon we could’ve got down at that bit. It’s like steps, almost.
Yeah, maybe. But once you’d got down there, what could you do? Realistically. It’d be impossible to pull somebody out from standing on those rocks. Look, you can see how slippery they are, even from up here.
Mmmm.
What do you mean ‘Mmmm’, you couldn’t do it; you’d slip and end up in the water with them.
Well unless you got on that little flat bit there, right next to where the water’s coming up, see that bit? And then if you took your coat off and lay it down and stood on it, you’d be able to get a decent grip I reckon.
Enough of a grip to pull out a fully grown man?
Yeah I think, maybe…
Bear in mind that his clothes would be soaked through as well. He’d be double the weight of someone dry.
I know that, I’d thought about that. But in certain situations, you just find extra strength. It’s the adrenaline.
I don’t think either of us could pull in a soaking wet, fully grown man, standing on that tiny bit of flat rock, standing on a coat or not.
I don’t know. I like to think I could.
Well of course you’d like to think that.
Yes. But no, I do think I could do it. I’m almost sure I’d be able to do it.
Nah. And even if you were able to pull him out. What then? You couldn’t carry him back up here, I don’t care what you say.
No, no, neither of us could do that. But the important thing would be just to get him out of the water
You still haven’t answered my question though. Once you’d got him, with your superhero strength, out of the water and onto the rock. What would you do then? Phones don’t work out here, nobody’s around apart from me. What would you do?
I’d send you to get help. Then I’d just wait with him, keep him talking. Keep him awake.
Right. So you’d send me to get help. Even if I ran the whole way, it’d take me, what? A good forty-five minutes to get to a phone? No chance. He’d be dead before I’d even got there.
Hold on a minute, you don’t even know if he’s injured. Just because he’s been in the water, doesn’t mean that he’s in a life threatening condition, necessarily.
You’re joking aren’t you? You saw the way that buoy was bumping up against the rock. That would’ve been his head. His skull.
There’s still a chance he could be saved though. People survive some amazing things.
Sometimes they do. Most of the time they die. Anyway, what do you know about saving people? So far your techniques for keeping him alive include ‘keep him talking, keep him awake’. You don’t actually have any life saving skills. You don’t even know CPR.
Well OK, maybe he would die. But at least he’d die with someone there.
What, you? Some comfort that’d be.
Fuck off. Just wait until you need saving, I won’t bother.
That’s fine. There’s no way you’d have the strength to pull me out anyway. And apparently, drowning’s one of the nicest ways to die.
You talk rubbish.
I talk rubbish? Says bloody, Batman over here. Bloody Neptune, god of the sea… Where’s your trident? You could hold that out for him to grab onto couldn’t you?
Ah, you’re just being a dick about it now. Tell you what, forget it.
